Shirley’s stratagem
(Ellipse frontrunner Lord Percy Longsworth-Brunfondle, implicated in the Finnegan/Addison affair, has a letter published in the Times which concludes with the postscript: “I hear that Lady Hester drinks quite heavily; hope this helps.”)
Telegram to Lady Hester Davies:
ALEXANDRIA 19TH STOP RECOMMEND YOU BUY BACK WAGER STOP LONGSWORTH COMMENT TIMES 15TH DEFAMATORY STOP JUDGMENT IN ABSENTIA POSSIBLE STOP SHIRLEY
When Lady Hester takes this oblique communique to her private solicitor Mr. Middlebury (a beefy, unlikely-looking man, but very intelligent and quite discreet), he goes off into one of the inane high-pitched giggles that have caused so many to underestimate him. “Hee hee hee, Lady Davies, really, young Mr. Addam is—hee hee!—most devious; I should not have expected it of him. What was it Longsworth-Brunfondle said? That you drink, wasn’t it? Yes, yes, I should say that would be defamation in the eyes of a court, quite so, since you are a lady. For a gentleman, you understand, it would not be quite so—hee hee!—serious.”
He barks for a clerk to find him the appropriate issue of the Times, and then addresses her with all due gravity. “Lady Davies, I do not necessarily advise that you sue Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle for defamation. Any such proceeding will unquestionably be a nasty business and cause all sorts of rumour and scandal.
“However, allow me to lay out Mr. Addam’s reasoning for you. If you bring a case, you could demand a substantial sum of money, substantial enough that not even Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle would care to ignore the suit. Now, Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle’s solicitor will undoubtedly claim the suit to be frivolous beforehand. My professional opinion, however, accords with Mr. Addam’s that the evidence is sufficient to bring the case to trial; moreover, Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle is unlikely to bridle his tongue—hee hee!—and so additional evidence will likely be forthcoming.
“Should Lord Longsworth-Brunfondle fail to appear in court to
defend himself, the judgment must go against him, regardless of the facts of the case—that is what Mr. Addam means by judgment in absentia. Given your position, and the general interest in the Grand Ellipse, I think it possible to obtain an early court date, such that to appear he would be forced to give up the race—hee hee! Most devious, yes indeed, most devious, Lady Davies. The decision is yours; I am at your disposal.”
His eyes twinkle. “I cannot, however, counsel you on the advisability of buying back your wager. That is entirely your affair, Lady Davies.”
(Disclaimer: I am neither solicitor nor barrister. Nor even lawyer. The law quoted above is likely entirely incorrect. If you have a legal problem, go see a professional about it.)
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