The Blog of Roon

Inevitably, the WISH series has asked about introducing a significant other to gaming. Once again, I have avoided reading other thoughts before spouting my own.

I am in a gaming marriage, no question about it. David’s and my private Al-Qadim campaign has lasted, what, five or six years, real-world time? And we gamed together when I was in college. Moreover, both of us had gamed before we met.

The numero uno, sine qua non thing to remember is that introducing a significant other to gaming also means introducing gaming, in the person of your gaming buddies, to your significant other. If you aren’t careful, as I do not doubt others have already pointed out, you can end up without a significant other. I merely wish to add that if you aren’t careful, you can end up without gaming buddies.

To that end, let me make a few suggestions. Your mileage may vary, void where prohibited, etc.

• Do not force things, either way. If your SO isn’t interested in your hobby, let it be. If your long-time gaming group doesn’t really have room for another person, don’t pressure them to let your SO in. Do I really need to explain why?

• Start slow. Don’t let your SO’s first gaming experience be as the interloper in a years-long campaign just hitting a crucial point. Your SO will be left out. Nor do you want to introduce your SO to gaming via a GenCon tournament.

  I suggest a one-off to start with, so that your SO’s character (if not your SO) is on equal footing with everyone else’s. Or take your SO through a module or two privately.

• Please explain the rules first. Not all the rules. Just enough for your SO to get by without slowing down the game for everybody else. By the same token, guide your SO toward simpler, less rule-intensive characters. In Ars Magica, for example, you want your SO’s first character to be a companion or grog, not a mage.
• Please also explain the difference between in-game character relationships and out-of-game player relationships. This can be scary and disorienting if you don’t know the score: two players screaming at each other in character (yes, happens) are pretty bloody intimidating for a newbie.
• Don’t snog during game sessions. Highly declassé.
• Don’t argue during game sessions either. If things are going sour in the relationship, your gaming buddies should not have their game ruined because of it. One or both of you needs to bow out as gracefully as possible. (Been there, game was ruined, nasty for all, especially the couple.)
• GMing your SO is dangerous, for obvious reasons. Avoid it (except in private campaigns), at least until both of you are experienced gamers and your relationship has weathered a few tests (in-game and out).

I like my gaming marriage. It’s made for good gaming as well as a good marriage. I’m all for more gaming marriages; I just think that some of the hardball tactics I’ve seen gamers use to try to hook non-gaming SOs are liable to backfire.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 19th, 2002 at 2:38 pm and is filed under Gaming. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.